Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
