Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
