Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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