how do flat chested girls get laid?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
