i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
