I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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