im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I got her a Nickelback box set.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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