I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
