true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Randomize
