You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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