oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
