So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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