i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
