Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
