Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
