I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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