We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
