I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
