i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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