WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
