Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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