So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
