Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
