dude i'm inner monologue high
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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