Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
