I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
one might say we're banned from that church
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
