Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
