Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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