I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize