hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
