Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
