Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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