apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
