Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
