life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
