Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my shit smells like andre
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
