Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
