Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
