I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
