After last night, I could never be a politician.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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