how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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