If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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