my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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