just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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