i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
