But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
