She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
