Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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