Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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