Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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