if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize