I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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