What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
worst night to have a conscience
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
