I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
