You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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