How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
