I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize