I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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