my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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