Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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