nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
