You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
