How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
