I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's get the cat blown out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
