Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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