It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
