I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
