I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize