Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
