So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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