For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
