two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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