I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you had me at cake vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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