Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
