Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My feet surprised me
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