hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
id be glad to
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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