why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this boner is exhausting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
