my mouth tastes like poor choices
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
