this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
