Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize