I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
