i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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