What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
