i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize