i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
