Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
