Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize