did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
