I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
