I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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