hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
