She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
