i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
