remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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