saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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