Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
