this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
