doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
