i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize