So drunk its hurt
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
