You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
