she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize