This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
