i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
