you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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