you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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