I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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